


Her Captain

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Series: Spirky Stuff [5]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Deathfic, Declarations of loves, F/M, Female Spock, Genderswap, Jim wakes up, Kissing, Sad, heartbroken Spock, radiation poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim lives long enough to be taken to Medbay. Fem Spock provides transportation. Vulcans are strong, even when the man they love is dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And now for the angst. I figured a solemn fic was in order for a solemn day (Good Friday). Partly inspired by Race For Sickbay by Starsinger.

The glass door slid open silently and a pair of strong arms reached in to grab the dying man who had been slumped against it. It was a amazing Jim had lasted this long, considering the radiation devouring his body. Spock had feared he would die alone, cold and afraid, in that tiny chamber. But the decontamination process had ended with her beloved captain still hanging on to life, if only by a thread. 

She picked him up gently and began to stride towards Medbay, hoping that at least the good doctor could slightly ease his suffering. Jim was ashen and sweaty, lines of pain covered his forehead, but he stared up at her with a ghost of his smile. "Wow, Spock, you're strong." He gasped out, "so glad you came to get me."

Spock felt very human emotions upon hearing these words. Her control was almost gone now, and she blinked rapidly to prevent another tear from falling. Those blue eyes of his were still beautiful, even against the pallor of his face and it hurt her to see them glazed with pain.

Jim looked up at her lovingly, comforted by her warmth despite the fact he was in extreme pain and dying by inches. He hated that he would hurt Spock so badly, but climbing up that core had been the only way to make sure she and the crew survived. It was worth it, he thought, and for the first time he fully understood his father. He couldn't let the woman he loved die, and neither could Jim. 

He wasn't sure if she fully understood how much he cared for her, because when he tried to tell her why he had broken the Prime Directive to save her life, she had choked out, "Because you are my friend."

A big tear had rolled down her cheek and fell with a plop. Jim had longed to wipe it away, but his hand wasn't obeying his brain very well. 

Spock strode on determinedly, coming closer to Medbay, where he'd say have to say goodbye to his best friend. Uhura and Scotty walked alongside, grief showing freely as they made sure the halls were clear. 

Spock met the doctor as soon as she stepped foot in the sickbay. He had been warned, but that didn't really stop the knife in his gut when he saw Jim limp in his first officers arms.

"What in the world did he do?", he asked Spock, motioning to a nearby bio bed, where she gently deposited her captain. Spock never took her eyes off Jim as she answered in a monotone, "The captain entered the warp core in order to realign it and stabilize the ship. He sustained a fatal amount of radiation in the process." 

"Dammit, Jim, why?" bit out the Doctor as he prepared a hypo of painkillers, the only thing he could do now for his best friend.

"Had to--had to--save the ship." Jim gasped, words were more difficult now. "Couldn't let you die. My fault---in the first place."

The injection was administered more gently than any Bones had ever given before and Kirk relaxed a bit as his agony was relieved.

"I'm sorry, Bones, for not listening to you before. Best friend---I could have asked for." The Doctor swallowed hard. "You too, Jim," was all he could manage.

"C'mere, Spock," he begged, feeling the end approaching. His eyes weren't seeing much anymore and he needed to get one last glimpse of her. She obediently stepped closer, brown eyes filled with sorrow. He loved how rich and warm those eyes were, he'd dreamt of them many times. But he had one thing he needed to say to her before he passed away. 

"You're more to me than a friend, Spock," he whispered, "I love you."

Spock reached out a trembling hand and touched his shoulder. He felt waves of love and sorrow coming off her. So she did care about him, after all. This knowledge made him blissfully happy and he summoned up enough energy to smile at her. "Your affection is returned," Spock said quietly. 

And that was the release Jim needed. He smiled again, but his vitals began dropping rapidly and Bones came to stand alongside Spock clasping his friends hand in farewell.

"Jim," he managed past the lump in his throat,"what're we gonna do without you? This isn't how this was supposed to go."

He barely managed to hold in a harsh sob of grief as he watched his best friend dying, breaths becoming shallower and shallower.

Jim tried to speak again and comfort Bones but he couldn't. He looked at them both for a long final moment and with a little sigh of relief, his chest went still and his eyes stared straight ahead, unseeing. The bio bed beeped shrilly, announcing the Captain's death with obnoxious persistence. 

Spock stared. He was gone. James T. Kirk was gone. Her world had vanished along with the light in his eyes. She quivered with sorrow staring at his grayish body as Dr. McCoy haltingly closed Jim's eyes and was consumed with another emotion--rage.

That man had taken her beloved from her and he would pay. She clenched her fists, took one final glance at the sheet covered form and raced out of Medbay. A primal scream erupted from her throat. "KHAAAAAAN!!"


	2. Chapter 2

Spock was tired, so tired of everything. The exhausting meetings being interrogated by admirals, the horrific reminders of the high loss of life from Khan's attacks, and the ache of not knowing whether Jim would ever wake up again took its toll on her. She was grateful she could not dream, because she feared they would all be nightmares. She would never forget the moment she'd entered engineering and seen Jim lying behind that glass, fighting for every weak breath. He had taken her heart with him when he'd passed away in sickbay and she'd spent the weeks running on autopilot. It had been rather satisfying delivering that knockout blow to Khan and bringing him back to Dr. McCoy. She had no idea how the Doctor could use him to revive a dead man, but she'd clung to any scrap of hope, illogical as it was. 

She was returning to the hospital after yet another meeting with Starfleet, when her communicator buzzed.

"This Is Spock," she answered automatically.

"Commander, this is McCoy. Get over here as soon as you can. Jim woke up and is asking for you."

Spock's heart leaped for joy, not that she'd ever admit it. "That is wonderful news, Doctor. Thank you for informing me. I will arrive in 5.3 minutes."

She almost ran the rest of the way and spent the time trying to get herself under control. Would Jim remember what happened? Would he remember what they said to each other? How he'd admitted he was in love with her? Spock managed to school her features into their usual calm expression as she neared Jim's room. 

She quietly entered and stopped just inside the doorway. Bones was standing beside Jims's bed, checking his vitals as usual, but Jim was awake and alert, blue eyes watching the doctor with fondness as he assured him he was not despotic, power-mad, or homicidal. Then his eyes drifted to Spock and he lit up.

"Spock! You saved my life." He said gratefully, winking when Bones protested he and Uhura had helped too. Spock approached the bed, holding her hands tightly behind her to stop herself from reaching for him.

You saved the ship, Captain, and the lives of those on board."

He held up his hand. "Hold up. Just, thank you, Spock." "You're welcome, Jim," she responded, using his first name for the first time. 

Jim positively beamed at her. "Come here, my favorite half-Vulcan. We have two weeks to make up for."

Obliginly, Spock came closer. Jim kept her busy answering difficult questions about the chase and the aftermath. He grew silent when she gave an account of the memorial service for Pike. She was very brief in her mentions of San Francisco's current condition. He seemed to be all too aware of that already. 

Finally she stopped short. "Jim, I believe a change in subject is in order. It is too taxing on you."

"But it's my responsibility," he responded.

"I believe the doctor gave you strict orders to keep the serious discussions to a minimum," Spock reminded him, "and I have no desire to compromise your delicate health. It was most...distressing... watching you suffer and die."

"I know it was awful, Spock. But I died knowing you and my crew would live. I don't regret it."

Spock allowed her hand to be taken in Kirk's. She sighed at the emotions she felt coming from him: sadness, relief and something approaching adoration. 

"You know what else I don't regret?"He asked her, a gentle light in his eyes.

"What is that, Cap--Jim?"

"Loving you, Spock. Even after the Nibiru mess, which I really bungled, you kept after me to do the right thing. I would have murdered Khan in cold blood. You were there when I needed you most--even at the end. Well, what I thought was the end anyway." Jim's mouth quirked in a half-grin.

"I am grateful for Leonard's discovery. I would have murdered Khan in my rage and grief it he hadn't needed the augment alive," Spock confessed.

"So I'm told." Kirk looked at her wearily but tenderly. "I'm proud of you, Spock. I might fall asleep on you, though. Mind giving me a goodnight kiss?" 

She blushed a cute green, but leaned down and tentatively kissed Jim on the lips. He responded immediately, returning it with fervor. Spock had never kissed anyone before and quite enjoyed it. Kirk's lips felt chapped but warm and alive. She looked down at him shyly when they broke it.

"Wow, Spock. That was nice. I can sleep happy now. Thank you, beautiful. Love you."

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. Soon he was lost in dreamland, snoring away peacefully.

"I never wish to be kissed by any other than him," thought Spock to herself as she watched Jim sleep. Her own rest came much easier that night. Recovery would be long, for both Jim and the city, but Spock felt sure that healing would come.


End file.
